I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
