oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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