Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize