I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
