Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
