Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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