why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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