he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
