How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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