I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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