why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We need a shit load of segways right now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
