you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
