oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
