omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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