I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
