I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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