you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
