dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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