shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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