Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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