Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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