That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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