Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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