Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
