i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
