No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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