It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
