I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
