After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
