Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
