i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize