You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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