i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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