Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
