She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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