You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
