i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Houston, we have a blender
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
