I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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