you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hippo gnu deer
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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