I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Randomize
