So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
