false alarm. still invincible.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
