so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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