I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
