Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
