Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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