Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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