I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
