Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize