I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
