I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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