WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
