So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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