Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
