Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
