New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
