Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
