yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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