i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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