I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
