He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You made out with two different species that night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
