You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We have started to decorate penises.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
