Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
