felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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