bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
