I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
