At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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