we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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