i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
