Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
