So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize