I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize