Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
