I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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