I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
