3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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