mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
