oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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