The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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