Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
