i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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