Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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