Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
