i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize