how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
