oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
