You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize