I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hippo gnu deer
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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