Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
