Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
