i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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