I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh god it's open bar.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
