I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
