im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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