I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Someone signed my nipple.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
