Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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