It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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