The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
